Primus
by outerelf
Summary: Red Alerts glitch is well justified when he has Primus after him. crack, kinda. oneshot


The youngling stared, shocked by the destruction. Grown mechs stared down at the youngling, disapproving. "But-But I didn't do the pranks!" The youngling wailed- looking up at the mechs. "Another mech did them!"

A mech on the fringes of the crowd turned, surprised. He saw me? The youngling sniffled, looking up with teary optics. "I promise!"

One of the mechs sighed, shaking their heads. "Red Alert, if you tell any more of these lies, I swear that cleaning up this prank will be the last of your worries!"

Red Alert flinched, but fell silent, staring at the ground. "Now, go ahead and clean up all of that graffiti off of the wall, and I want it done by the end of the cycle."

The mechs left the youngling alone in the room, filing though the door. Red Alert stared at the wall, covered in odd symbols, runes, and swirls, and then back down at a cleaning solution. "Why me?" he mumbled out loud.

The mech, the one who had done the prank, laughed softly. Red Alert whirled, optics terrified. "Who's there!"

Red Alert instantly spotted the mech. "You're the one who wrote this on the wall!" he snarled, glaring at the mech.

The mech nodded, optics amused. "You're right. Who are you? And why can you see me?"

"What do you mean?" Red Alert asked, backing up. "Who are you?"

"I'm Primus."

Red Alert collapsed on the floor, staring up at the mech. "You-you can't be! Primus is this planet!"

"Correct. I am. But-" Primus rubbed the back of his head. "I get bored you see."

"So- you draw on yourself?" Red Alert demanded, his opinion of Primus taking a rapid, sudden nose-dive.

Primus looked at him. "Where else do you expect me to draw on?"

Red Alert inched closer to Primus, one small hand reaching out to touch the mech. It hit something solid. "You can't be Primus! Primus is the planet-"

"I've taken over a body." Primus said softly, "And besides, watch."

Primus gestured to the wall, and Red Alert watched, stunned and terrified, as the wall flipped. "How-how-"

"I'm Primus." Primus said smugly.

Red Alerts head dropped. "Why me?" He grumbled to himself. "Why me?"

Primus looked down at the youngling, amused. It wasn't often that he met someone and they didn't drop down and worship him. "Even Primus is in a conspiracy against me to make my life worse." Red Alert muttered, shivering.

Primus was about to dispute this idea when he felt a slight tugging, and realized that his time was up. Darn it all. I wanted to figure out more about this child.

0o0o0o0o0o

Red Alert scowled at the twins, who looked innocently back. "We didn't do anything Red Alert! Honest!"

"Then who?" Came Red Alerts sarcastic reply. "You two are the only ones in the room-"

Red Alert stopped as an all-too familiar mech appeared in the back of the room, grinning and waving. No. NononononononononononononoNO! Why me? Why now! Theirs a war going on. He could go bother anyone else. ANYONE! Yet, as always, once a year, he comes back to torment me.

Red Alert ground his teeth together as he snapped, "Never mind. I believe you two. This isn't what you'd normally do. Just, go. Both of you."

The twins ran off, grateful that they wouldn't be forced to clean up after someone else's mess, and that Red Alert was actually listening to them for once. Red Alert stalked out of the door, ignoring the slightly amused look on Primus face. Red Alert stormed up to the control room, ignoring the quietly following mech, except for the occasional, "Go away!" that would hiss out of Red Alerts vocalizer.

Primus ignored it, well used to Red Alerts snarl. Besides, he was determined to find something out. When Red Alert got to the control room, Primus moved inside before Red Alert could shut the door. "Red Alert, last year you were at another base off planet."

"Of course." Red Alert snapped, settling down into his seat. "I don't have any control over which bases I go to."

Primus took a step forward, smirking inwardly as Red Alert did nothing more the eye him. "But I missed you."

Red Alert stiffened. "You missed me?"

Primus nodded. "Of course. After all, you're such fun!"

Primus felt Red Alerts spark sink, and Red Alerts shoulders sagged visibly. "Why do you have to torture me so?" Red Alert cried, hand coming down on the table. "Why me?"

Primus shifted uncomfortably, and Red Alert looked away, glaring at the screens. "I do get bored. And you've been the first to see me in a long time." Primus said softly, coming up behind Red Alert.

Red Alert turned in his chair, not realizing how close the mech had gotten. He gulped, attempting to back away a little, but Primus saw the tears, and instantly felt guilty. He had been hard on the poor mech.

And he knew exactly what was being said behind Red Alerts back. It was impossible not to, and he realized that Red Alerts slight glitch, when it was confirmed that Primus was after him, made it twice as hard to control.

Silently he knelt, one hand coming up to brush the tears away. Red Alert shook his head, trying to back away from the mech, but Primus was having none of that. With a speed that stunned Red Alert, Primus grabbed his chin, forcing the security director to look at him.

Red Alert stared at Primus with water optics, and a single hand came up, brushing the tears away. "Don't cry. Never cry."

Red Alert half-heatedly tried batting the hand away, and Primus shook his head. Red Alerts optics skittered around the room, and softly he asked, "Don't you have to be gone soon?"

Primus optics narrowed. "No. I have half the cycle left."

Red Alert looked down at what he could see of the ground. "Oh."

Primus, seized by some odd, irrational impulse, leaned forward, lips brushing against Red Alerts. Red Alert tried leaping out of the seat, but Primus captured him, holding the squirming Autobot with one hand. Red Alerts inner fans kicked in. They broke apart after an endless breem, Red Alert with wide optics, Primus smirking slightly.

"So Red Alert. Have you ever interfaced with a planet before?" Primus asked, his breath tugging past Red Alerts auditory receptor.

0o0o0o0o

Red Alert walked onto the Ark, feet dragging, shoulders sagging. Today had been an especially bad day. He hadn't glitched. But that was what was wrong. He had come so close to gltiching his CPU was nearly fried from keeping it in.

Inferno moved off to the medbay, limping, as Red Alert walked into the security room. To run right into a solid looking wall. Red Alert sat down from the unexpectedness, looking up dazedly as the twins rounded the corner. "Primus." Red Alert said, stunned.

Primus frowned down at him, and gestured impatiently for Red Alert to get inside. Red Alert shakily stood up as the twins rushed him. "Red Alert!"

"Wait! What now?" Red Alert demanded, and was literally swept off his feet as Sideswipe picked him up.

"The dinobots! Make them stop!"

Grimlock stormed down the hallway, furious and in a towering rage. Red Alert snarled, "What did you do?"

"We didn't mean too! We were hoping to hit Mirage with a bucket of paint, but got Snarl instead!"

"And why isn't Snarl-"

"He short-circuited! Swoop just rebooted him!"

Red Alert looked at the twins, who looked back at him pleadingly. "Grimlock, no hurting them."

"They hurt Snarl!"

"Yes, and I'll take care of them and gift-wrap the remains later. Right now isn't the best of times-"

Prowl appeared, thankfully. "Prowl, you take care of this." Red Alert beat a retreat into the security room, locking the door.

He then turned to Primus. "What are you doing here? I would think you'd be stuck on cybertron."

Primus scowled back. "We interfaced, and your part of me. Which means that wherever you go, I can follow."

Red Alert eased down into a chair, staring up at Primus. "Are you going to do anything?"

"Do you want me too? I know you've been getting close to Inferno-"

Red Alert paused at the mention of Inferno, and Primus sighed inwardly. He could feel Red Alerts spark lift at the thought of the fire truck. "So, I'm going to have a one day affair. He's still in love with Firestar." Red Alert at last said.

Primus smirked, leaning over to give Red Alert a highly satisfactory kiss.

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSs

Yes. That's the end. I had a lot of trouble with this, ok? It just seemed sacrilegious, despite it refusing to come off. So… yeah. Response to a bunny on LJ Bunny Farm, 'Red Alert feels cheated by Primus for his gltich' I read the comments below, and CHOMP! Went the bunny. Someone could probably expound on this to make it better.


End file.
